I Hate Myself For Loving You
by NYKIDDO
Summary: Years after Edward leaves Bella, Bella becomes a singer. What happends when she sees Bella at one of her concerts?
1. Intro

**EPOV**

It had been 69 years since I'd left Bella. 69 long, painful, years. I'm sure she's married with kids and a nice house. I'm sure she's moved on by now. That's what I wanted though. I just couldn't help but miss her.

I was in the car with my siblings. I have no idea how they got me to leave the house, but they did.

"_Now we have a new song by a new artist," _the guy on the radio said.

_Midnight gettin' uptight Where are you  
>You said you'd meet me now it's quarter to two<br>I know I'm hangin' but I'm still wantin' you_

_Hey Jack It's a fact they're talkin' in town  
>I turn my back and you're messin' around<br>I'm not really jealous don't like lookin' like a clown_

"She's pretty good," Alice said.

_I think of you ev'ry night and day  
>You took my heart then you took my pride away<em>

_I hate myself for loving you  
>Can't break free from the the things that you do<br>I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why  
>I hate myself for loving you.<em>

"_I'd hate to be the guy that screwed her over," Emmett said._

"Doesn't her voice sound familiar?" Jasper asked.

_Daylight spent the night without you  
>But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do<br>I won't be as angry 'bout the hell you put me through_

_Hey man betcha you can treat me right  
>You just don't know what you was missin' last night<br>I wanna see you beggin', say forget it just for spite_

_I think of you ev'ry night and day  
>You took my heart then you took my pride away<em>

"You're right," Rose said.

_I hate myself for loving you  
>Can't break free from the the things that you do<br>I wanna walk but I run back to you, that's why  
>I hate myself for loving you<em>

_I think of you ev'ry night and day  
>You took my heart then you took my pride away<em>

_I hate myself for loving you  
>Can't break free from the things that you do<br>I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why  
>I hate myself for loving you<em>

_I think of you ev'ry night and day  
>You took my heart then you took my pride away<em>

_I hate myself for loving you  
>Can't break free from the the things that you do<br>I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why  
>I hate myself for loving you<br>I hate myself  
>For loving you<br>I hate myself  
>For loving you<br>I hate myself  
>For loving you<br>I hate myself  
>I hate myself for loving you<em>

"_That was I Hate Myself For Loving You," _the guy on the radio said,_ "By new artist Bella Swan."_

I froze and looked at the radio. That's not possible. "I guess we know why it sound familiar now…" Emmett said.

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	2. Chapter 1

**(A/N) The song in the last chapter was I Hate Myself For Loving You by Joan Jett.**

**BPOV**

69 years. 69 long years since Edward left me. I wish I could forget about him. I wish I couldn't love him anymore, but I do. I just can't get over it.

After Edward left I got changed into a vampire. I know it was always been my dream to be a vampire, and I love it, but I hate that I have to live without Edward. Then I found my siblings. They were all in a band called Vampires at Night (It's a good thing no one knew that we were really vampires) I became their lead singer and I loved it. I loved singing songs about Edward and what he did to me. It was my way of confronting it.

We were at a concert in New York City.

_Let's get the story straight  
>You were a poison<br>You flooded through my veins  
>You left me broken<em>

_You tried to make me think  
>That the blame was all on me<br>With the pain you put me through  
>And now I know that<em>

_It's not me, it's you, it's not me, it's you  
>Always has been you<br>All the lies and stupid things  
>You say and do, it's you<em>

_It's not me, it's you  
>All the lies and pain you put me through<br>I know that it's not me, it's you, you, you  
>It's not me, it's you, you<em>

I was spinning and dancing around the stage with the music.

_So here we go again  
>The same fight we're always in<br>I don't care so why pretend?  
>Wake me when your lecture ends<em>

_You tried to make me small  
>Make me fall and it's all your fault<br>With the pain you put me through  
>And now I know that<em>

_It's not me, it's you, it's not me, it's you  
>Always has been you<br>All the lies and stupid things  
>You say and do, it's you<em>

_It's not me, it's you  
>All the lies and pain you put me through<br>I know that it's not me, it's you_

_Let's get the story straight  
>You were a poison flooding through my veins<br>You're driving me insane_

_And now you're gone away  
>I'm no longer choking<br>From the pain you put me through  
>And now I know that<em>

_It's not me, it's you, you, it's not me, it's you  
>Always has been you<br>All the lies and stupid things  
>You say and do, it's you<em>

_It's not me, it's you  
>All the lies and pain you put me through<br>I know that it's not me, it's you, you, you  
>(It's not me, it's you)<br>It's not me, it's you, you  
>(It's not me, it's you)<em>

_It's not me, it's you, you  
>(It's not me, it's you)<br>It's not me, it's you, you  
>(It's not me, it's you)<br>It's not me, it's you_

Then we I turned to face the crowd, I saw him. In the front row with the rest of his family, was Edward Cullen.

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	3. Chapter 2

**(A/N) I keep forgetting to say who writes all these songs. The last one was It's Not Me It's You by Skillet.**

**EPOV**

I watched Bella preform on stage and I shocked for many reasons. One, how is she still alive? Two: Is that me that she's singing about.

Just then Bella looked out into the crowd and looked at me. In her eyes I could see it… I could see all the tears and pain I had caused her. She glared at me and then turned and walked off stage.

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	4. Chapter 3

**BPOV**

I walked over to my drummer, Jason. "Do something random for about 5 minutes," I said.

"Like what?" he asked.

"I don't know!" I said, "Entertain them."

"You're lucky I love you, Sis," he said. I walked off the stage and into my dressing room.

What are they doing here? Do they know who I am? What kind of question's that…. Of course they do….

I heard the door open and I turned to see my sister, Hannah, walking in. "What was that about?" she asked.

"I saw him," I said.

"Saw who?"

"Edward."

"Are you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm kidding!"

She put her hands on my shoulders. "This is what you're gunna do," she said, "You're are going to go out there and you're going to own that damn stage! You're going to make him know that NO ONE messes with Bella Swan!"

I took a deep breath, "You're right," I said.

"Of course I am," she said, "Let's go."

….

After the show I was signing autographs for fans.

"Who do I make this out to?" I asked without looking up. Then I heard a voice I thought I'd never hear again.

"Please forgive me…." I looked up. Edward.

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	5. Chapter 4

_**Previously**_

_After the show I was signing autographs for fans. _

"_Who do I make this out to?" I asked without looking up. Then I heard a voice I thought I'd never hear again. _

"_Please forgive me…." I looked up. Edward._

**BPOV**

"What are you doing here?" I finally said.

"I had to see you…." He said.

"Why would you care?" I asked, "You don't love me, remember?" Wow. Where did that courage come from? He looked pained by my statement.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said.

"Me too," I said.

He leaned on the table, "Bella," he said, his velvet voice made my heart better faster just like it used to. "You don't have to forgive me; I wouldn't blame you if you never did. Just… Please listen to me. Just give me 10 minutes." His eyes pleaded for me to listen.

"10 minutes."

His eyes lit up. "10 minutes."

I took one of the pictures from beside me and wrote my hotel and room number on in. "8:00," I said.

"Thank you," he said softly.

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	6. Chapter 5

**EPOV**

I pulled up to Bella's hotel at 8:00 exactly. I knocked on the door and one of her band mates opened it.

"You must be Edward," she said, "Bella's out on the balcony." She led me out to Bella.

Bella turned from her spot to face me. "10 minutes," she said.

I nodded. "Bella," I said, "I am so sorry for what I did to you. I never wanted to hurt you…. That day when I left you I didn't leave because I don't love you… I left because I didn't want what I am to hurt you. Bella, I love you so much. I know that you might hate me, but just give me a chance…. Please, Bella."

Bella was quiet. "Prove it," she finally said.

"What?" I asked.

"Prove everything you just said to me and I'll give you anything chance," she said.

"Okay," I said.

**(A/N) Next chapter is going to be really good :)**

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	7. Chapter 6

**BPOV**

"You did what!" my sister, Nykole, asked.

"I told him to prove it," I said.

"How does one go about proving their love for someone?" Jason asked from his place on the couch.

"Let me get this straight!" Nykole said.

"That's cool, don't answer me," Jason said.

Nykole looked at him, "Shut the fuck up!" she yelled. I chuckled silently to myself. Then she looked back at me. "You told the guy that broke your heart that if he can prove he loves you you'll take him back?"

"Yes?" I said but it came out more like a question.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!" she screamed.

"For starters," Mike, my other brother, said, "She's related to you."

This time I busted out laughing. "He's going to hurt you again," Nykole said, ignoring Mike's comment and my laughter.

"Oh calm down," I said, "He won't figure out how to do it."

"Who would?" Jason asked, "Who the fuck knows how to prove love?"

I laughed, "Let it go, Jason," I said.

…

Today was our last concert before we went to Spain. I decided to end with my song Last Kiss.

_I still remember the look on your face  
>Lit through the darkness at 1:58<br>The words that you whispered  
>For just us to know<br>Told me you loved me  
>So why did you go away?<br>Away_

_I do recall now the smell of the rain  
>Fresh on the pavement<br>I ran off the plane  
>That July 9th<br>The beat of your heart  
>It jumps through your shirt<br>I can still feel your arms_

_But now I'll go sit on the floor  
>Wearing your clothes<br>All that I know is that  
>I don't know how to be something you miss<br>I never thought we'd have a last kiss  
>Never imagined we'd end like this<br>Your name, forever the name on my lips_

_I do remember  
>The swing of your step<br>The life of the party, you're showing off again  
>And I roll my eyes and then<br>You pull me in  
>I'm not much for dancing<br>But for you I did_

I always loved this song, but I hated it too. It always made me remember everything he'd ever said to me, just like it was yesterday.

_Because I love your handshake, meeting my father  
>I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets<br>How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something  
>There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions<em>

_But now I'll go sit on the floor  
>Wearing your clothes<br>All that I know is that  
>I don't know how to be something you miss<br>Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
>Never imagined we'd end like this<em>

_Your name, forever the name on my lips_

_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep  
>And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe<br>And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are  
>Hope it's nice where you are<em>

_And I hope the sun shines  
>And it's a beautiful day<br>And something reminds you  
>You wish you had stayed<br>You can plan for a change in weather and time  
>But I never planned on you changing your mind<em>

_So I'll go sit on the floor  
>Wearing your clothes<br>All that I know is that  
>I don't know how to be something you miss<br>Never thought we'd have a last kiss  
>Never imagined we'd end like this<em>

_Your name, forever the name on my lips  
>Just like our last kiss<br>Forever the name on my lips  
>Forever the name on my lips<em>

_Just like our last_

As the song came to an end I heard the crowd let out a loud gasp. Then a hand went out in front of me and took my microphone from my hand. I looked and saw Edward in front of me. He gave me a small smile.

"You guys may not know who I am," he said into the microphone, "I'm the guy that Bella sings about in all of her songs. A lot of you might hate me because of what I've done to her; even I hate me for what I've done to her. The truth is though, I love her. I'm in love with Bella Swan. She's everything to me. If I could go back and change what I did to her, I would. All I want is her back and I'd be set for life. Just one hug from her could cover Christmas, birthdays, everything." Then he turned and looked at me. "Bella…. I fucking love you. I always have loved you. Nothing could ever change that."

Then security walked out to drag him off the stage. I was frozen in my place. I saw Mike cover his microphone. "Hey, Jason," he said, "I think that's what proving it means."

**EPOV**

I was currently sitting in a jail cell waiting for one of my siblings to bail me out. I hope Bella believes everything I said out there. Everything I said was the truth. All I want is her back….

Finally after an hour of sitting in jail one of the cops came to me. "Someone posted your bail. You're very lucky Ms. Swan doesn't press charges," he said.

"I know," I said.

I walked out to the parking lot and saw Bella leaning against her car. I stopped for a minute, not just because I was surprised to see her, because she's so damn beautiful. She got up and walked over to me. "That has to be the stupidest, craziest, most incredible thing I've ever seen in my life," she said with a smirk.

I smiled back, "Does that mean I get any other chance?" I asked.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, "I don't post just anyone's bail," she said. I laughed and pulled her forward for a kiss.

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